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Gratitude with Fur - Branda

Updated: Jul 20, 2020

This weekend I've been given a new lesson.

I travelled to a cottage and bringing my cats was stressful. They got scared and very anxious, something I hadn't anticipated. The female (Branda) mostly, that already had some anxiety problems, got in a very bad state and stayed under a bed for a whole day and wouldn't come out for anything. During the night, she used some of her "opening-doors-skills" to escape by opening a mosquito protection and ran into the woods. When we woke up, we found the protection opened and realized she was gone. The first day we looked everywhere thinking she could still be inside of the house. I tried to control the thoughts and keep hoping she would be back during the evening but nothing happened. The next day, I was devastated. I didn't sleep at night, looking outside all the time waiting for a sign that she was close and waiting for her to come back. Nothing. I could see her scared. Thinking that she could be in danger or suffering haunted me the whole day. It was very difficult to deal with my feelings; I felt very guilty for causing this stress on my family, while I was just trying to have some fun and create good memories. I felt that my vacations were ruined. It started raining and I knew that my chances of having her come back that day were slim - a thunderstorm would make her even more anxious as she was very sensitive to noise. I spent my day crying, blaming myself for this horrible event, thinking that I should have never gone there, that I couldn't handle going back to my house without her. She was so joyful and playful. She was a real sweetie. She was perfect and beautiful and her fur was the most soft I have ever seen or caressed in my life - and I had had other cats when I was young. I was brokenhearted. I went out many times a day, screaming her name into the woods. I even called the vet to say that she was lost and announced her picture in many places asking for help. I did many meditations to connect with her energy and when I saw her in the first few days, she was scared, hiding in a hole inside of the woods. We did everything we could. I decided to remain positive imagining if she had to come back, the Universe would bring her to me. When the rain stopped, I connected with her energy again. What I felt was joy and a playful, childish energy. I saw her playing and running after birds and small animals in the woods - I felt that she was having fun. That's when everything clicked for me.

She came into my life when my house was in total disharmony. I had just gotten a complicated divorce and my relationship with my children were totally ruined. They wouldn't come out of their bedrooms to interact with me, even in one of the most difficult moments of my life. I was alone in another country, without any friends and without my family to support me and cheer me up. That's when those kittens appeared in my backyard - from nowhere. They brought brightness and joy into my home and they were the reason why my whole family started to interact again, smile and share tenderness and love. They brought immense harmony to my house and to our hearts. Our relationship got a lot better over the last 2 years since we got them and I felt like we became this almost-perfect family (because nothing is perfect) - the 5 of us. I've realized how much she had given to me and to my family and the feeling of having her happily playing in the woods made me feel selfish for wanting her back into my life, into my home and into my private "prison". When all these thoughts presented themselves into my mind, I felt selfish for wanting her back only to satisfy my own desires, my feelings of possessiveness, and my need to control the will of others.

I realized that this wasn't love because love doesn't force, doesn't control, doesn't manipulate for one's own agenda.

is  I started to think that maybe she had fulfilled her purpose in my life, that she illuminated our hearts and now she was meant to do the same with herself - or some other family. I thought that maybe she was a carrier of light and her "mission" in life was almost like mine - I also ran from my family to come to a different country to help people smile and be happy. I was also happy after "running into the woods" (a city-type woods), where life wasn't scary anymore and, although I didn't have the same safety and love I had in my own country beside my loved ones, I have finally found myself and my happiness like never before. When I realized that, my heart was flooded with love and gratitude for all that I have been receiving since I first got her in my life. That was already a lot and I don't think I had ever valued that in the proper way. So, in my mind, I let her go. I've accepted that what happened had a reason, though I still don't know it at this point in time. Of course I still want her back, but only if she wants to come back. Only if her happiness is to be next to me too. I have changed my prayers of "please bring her back safe" to "please keep her happy and safe wherever she decides to stay" and I released it into the Universe's hands, so It can do whatever is best for everyone. What stays in her place is the memory of her tenderness and joy, and the memory of the moments where she was there for me with her soft fur, offering relief to my more unfortunate moments. What stays is my heart flooded with gratitude and love for the gift I have received - which I couldn't really value until I got this lesson. What stays is the capacity to see how loved we are by the Universe and how many other people come in and out of our lives daily only to help us grow, and bring happiness, joy, relief - each one in their own way, with their own special type of "fur" to offer us. What stays is the lesson that everything is transient in life.

Everything has its own timing and purpose, even if we can't always see it. What stays is the trust that everything is ALWAYS for our best. What stays is the understanding of what real unconditional love is: it is freedom. The freedom to respect one's choices.

I hope Branda can find her way back home - whatever she wants to call home. I am sure if she comes back to me, it will fill my heart with a bigger wave of happiness and joy, but I also hope that she can choose whatever is better for her destiny and her own best.

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